.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

6/08/2006

Al-Qaeda Leader Blown to Fucking Bits

Left: Nothing left but ass-shreds

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Baghdad, Iraq)— Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, regarded as the reigning mastermind behind Al-Qaeda’s most brutal acts of international terror since the 9/11 attacks, was blown to fucking bits earlier this morning in a covert air strike on his safe house a few miles north of Baghdad.

Reporters at the scene say Zarqawi was identified by mere scraps of his human remains.

“There were two fingers, a toe, and a big clump of back hair,” revealed a National Nitwit correspondent stationed in Iraq. “Coincidentally, Zarqawi was really known for his back hair. A sad irony was that he used to get drunk on the weekends and take off his shirt to entice local women — a real ‘playa’ when he wasn't busy killing children or beheading civilians.”

President Bush, noting the solemnity of this occasion, offered some pithy remarks during a press conference after Zarqawi’s body was identified.

“In Texas, we call this a ‘yee-haw’ moment,” the President humbly noted. “But the praise here belongs to our brave soldiers overseas, who bravely drop bombs on the earth from their brave jet fighters to destroy this network of evil.”

Mr. Bush confirmed his steadfast commitment to dismantling what remains of Zarqawi’s legacy.

“If we can kill one or two more of these guys, my administration will be back in business,” the President boasted. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a bean burrito and an episode of Entourage awaiting me in the Oval Office.” Ann Coulter World Cup Al Gore Armando

Comments:
“In Texas, we call this a ‘yee-haw’ moment,”

But, I thought that the yee-haw moment was when George and Laura...

Mebbe not.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?