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7/03/2006

Lieberman to Run as Whining, Spineless Independent This Fall

Joe LiebermanLeft: Joe "Sockpuppet" Lieberman

(Hartford, CT) Sources in the Democratic party say that Senator Joe Lieberman will collect signatures to run as an pissy, wishy-washy independent if he loses next month's Democratic primary election.

This is in sharp contrast with his long career as a whining, spineless Democrat, according to party sources.

Lieberman has scheduled a 1 pm news conference at the Connecticut State Capitol to announce his plans.

"It is in regard to his decision about the general election," said Lieberman campaign spokeswoman Marion Steinfels. "He told folks when he made his decision, he wanted to let people know in as whiny and annoying way as he possibly could."

Lieberman faces a stronger-than-expected Democratic primary challenge and sagging poll numbers because of his support of the Iraq war. He told National Nitwit reporters that he was "confused" by the apparent ire of voters in Connecticut.

"I just don't understand why a couple of thousand dead US soldiers and, oh, a hundred thousand dead Iraqis would get people in Connecticut upset," he whined. "After all, that's like 8,000 miles away, and most of the dead soldiers are from places like Alabama and North Dakota, anyways. What's wrong with you people?"

Lieberman said that he didn't see any problem with "being the Administration's token Democratic lapdog" with his support of the war.

"Face it - every President needs weaselly sycophants from the other party to carry his water, and I'm happy to be this President's bitch," fussed the senator, double-checking the hem on his tailored slacks. "Someone's got to, right? Plus, we Yalies have to hang together."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 10:58 AM
Comments:
Hey yo' mr. silas davenport/divan/sofa/couch/loveseat/sleeper sofa/futon. Its called SARCASM! Geez Bob, how's come you allow such pretentious nincompoops in here to spoil our fun?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:32 PM
 
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