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Britney: "Can't Wait to Score Some Crack"

Spears: Ready to get ballin'

(Los Angeles, CA) Pop star Britney Spears left a Los Angeles alcohol and drug rehabilitation facility today after one month of treatment. She told National Nitwit reporters that she is fired up and ready to binge.

"I feel great! There's nothing like a month to get your head together and clean out your system," she said, pausing to make a quick call to her dope man Tino. "I was getting kind of crazy there, but I totally have my crack use under control now. I can't wait to get my hands on an eight ball and get completely wasted. It's a good thing I learned how to manage my drugs."

Spears checked out of the Promises Malibu Treatment Center at about 1:00 pm EST, and by 1:10 she had scored some rock.

"I still owed my man a thousand bucks, and he wanted that up front before he would agree to drive over here. It was either that, or he wanted to videotape me giving him a blowjob," she said, cleaning resins out of her pipe. "Lucky for me I grabbed some cash at the bank on the way home, 'cuz I blew all my dope money just before I went into rehab. The good news is the kids will be gone all weekend, so I can have me one hell of a blast."

Britney Spears firing up the crack pipe

The pop singer said that she learned a lot about herself during her trip to rehab.

"It's important to take a day or two off between binges, 'cuz smoking crack 24/7 is a good way to make you paranoid," she said, exhaling, looking out the bedroom window, and repeatedly scratching her arms. "But I've learned how to have a good time and still be a good mom. I know that I have to make sure the kids are with a babysitter before I fire up the stem."

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Damn. She ain't out five minutes and she's SMOKIN DAT CRACK.
Britney a crack hoe. Spell it right, homes.
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