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2/10/2008

Glenn Beck to Suck Cock in Protest of McCain’s Centrist Platform

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Beck: Gobbling Dongs to Defy Reason, Democracy


(Washington, D.C.)—Glenn Beck, the radically conservative radio and television personality known for his extremist views and aggressive demeanor, announced today that he would go on a cock sucking marathon in protest of John McCain’s maverick policies and their subsequent endorsement by the masses.

“This man does not represent the core values of the Republican Party, and his emergence as frontrunner for the presidential nomination is nothing short of a travesty,” Beck shouted during a news conference earlier this morning. “That is why, as of tomorrow morning, I’m going to begin slurping cock after cock to protest the liberal views that have infected the G.O.P. like some sort of weird African virus.”

Beck further explained the reasoning behind his unusual method of expressing political dissent.

“Friends, you know me to be the most genuinely conservative voice in these great United States,” Beck intoned as he stretched his jaw muscles and applied lip balm. “So I want you to see the toll McCain’s hippie agenda has had on me personally as I swallow mouthfuls of frothy negro cum. I know, I know—millions of so-called Americans voted for this man in fair and balanced primary elections, but my fringe views are the only path to salvation from the illegals and fags and tree-hugging war-haters. Think on that, my fellow Republicans, as the nut butter oozes down my cheek.”

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