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Exclusive: First Ultrasound Photos of Katie and Tom's Baby

(Los Angeles, CA) Expectant parents Tom Cruis and Katie Holmes received their first ultrasound pictures yesterday and shared them with National Nitwit.

"We've decided to name the little devil 'Adrian,'" said Cruise. "We've got Katie on a special vitamin formula that will help the baby grow up healthy."

Holmes, looking emaciated, smile wanly for photographers.

"I haven't been feeling very well lately," she said. "Where's Minnie with my herb shake?"

Crusie said that the couple's neighbors have been very supportive.

"The Castevets have been over here almost every day helping out," he said, pouring an unknown powder into Katie's water. "They have been just like family."

Dr. Abraham Sapirstein, Katie's obstetrician, said that sickness is not unusual among fiirst-time moms.

"I think everything is going to turn out just fine; Rosemary - err, I mean Katie -is just a little emotional right now," he said. "I have no doubt that little Adrian is going to grow up an become an important man."

And, with Tom for a father, little Adrian will be..., little.

Scientology, where you are judged by the size of your wallet (loosely paraphrased from something Phineas T. Barnum once said).

To the egress...
This is so wrong. I can't believe that you people would attack a nice lady like Minnie Castavets or my wonderful doctor, Dr. Sapirstein.

I'm sorry, I have to lie down now; I am so tired these days...
Sounds to me like you've been lying down with strange bedfellows too much already missy.

On your knees and give me 500 Hail Marys.

Repent your evil and loose ways.

You were taught better than this, maybe you need a refresher?

Now, hit that floor and start praying, or it’ll be the ruler across the knuckles for you (again).

And stay away from midgets…

Katie, You'know that you're expected to stay within your own species, don't you?

There is still time! Read up on that whole "Silent Birth" thing and trust me, there is noooo way you can be silent when you deliver a baby unless they knock your ass out. (Remember Tommy doesn't believe in pain medication or medication when the mere sight of him makes you want to throw something)

RUNNN!!! (Before you start waddling)

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