National Nitwit

(Washington, DC) The lawyer for Vice President Dick Cheney's former top aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby is outlining a possible criminal defense involving his injured foot.

Libby, who resigned immediately, was operating amid "the hectic rush of issues and events at a busy time for our government, and he did so with a really hurt foot" according to a statement released today by his attorney, Joseph Tate.

"Look, the guy has been hobbling around for years like an elephant with a railroad spike in its hoof," said Tate. "How the hell is the guy supposed to remember details while stoically enduring the searing pain of a broken foot?"

Tate took on what he said was "podiatric bias" in the investigation and coverage of the Plame scandal.

"We are quite distressed the special counsel [Patrick Fitzgerald] has not sought to pursue alleged inconsistencies in Mr. Libby's recollection, and that he has ignored what is an obvious health care issue," he said. "Also, why has Mr. Libby's foot been ignored by the mainstream press? Have none of you any sympathy for a man nearly driven to tears every day by the pain?"

Tate discussed another possible defense strategy, saying that "for five years, through difficult times, Mr. Libby has done his best to serve our country, despite the excruciating foot pain."

Libby, contacted at his home, declined to discuss specifics of the case, but offered insight into his plight.

"Man, some days I have trouble just staying conscious," he said, adding that Demerol and morphine have been his constant companions through the ordeal. "What was I saying...oh, and the drugs have really messed with my brain, too."