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New Orleans Cops Suffer Fist Injuries

Left: officers helpless as suspect throws face into their fists

(New Orleans, LA) Several police officers in this post-Katrina city suffered injuries to their hands and feet after an African American man repeatedly threw himself into their fists and boots.

Captain Marlon Defillo identified the patrolmen as Stuart Smith, Lance Schilling and Robert Evangelist.

"We expect that they will make full and complete recoveries," he said. "Most of the injuries occurred when the man's teeth smashed into their hands."

Schilling said that his "life flashed in front of" his eyes.

"Scariest thing I ever saw," he said. "I was just sitting there having a cafe mocha when this face flew right into my fist."

The suspect, 64-year old Robert Davis, then began to spontaneously emit blood.

"I thought to myself: 'I hope he doesn't have hepatitis C,'" said Schilling. "The last thing I need is for this face-throwing lunatic to give me some nasty blood-borne disease."

1370-WSPD host Bob Frantz inspired this report


Those iron-jawed, fist-assaulting barbarians must be stopped!

(Thanks for the attribution, Subcomandante Bob)
I told those boys to wear their skin tight leather gloves, for protection, doncha kno.

I told tha same thing to O.J. a few years back, and it saved his otherwise worthless hide...

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