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Bush Says US Does Not Use Torture

(Washington, DC) President Bush, defending a hidden US prison system abroad for terrorism suspects, said Monday that his administration would continue to aggressively battle terrorism in sometimes unconventional but always lawful ways.

"All this whining about torture is just a bunch of weak-kneed liberals blathering about nothing," said Bush. "I'm confident that when people see the facts, that they'll recognize that we've got more work to do, starting with terrorist testicle removal."

Bush defended American interrogation procedures yesterday as his administration faced a new round of challenges and criticism over its record in questioning suspects.

"Look - what's so wrong with giving a few terrorists with some 110-volt love?" he asked. "We have got to make these SOBs talk, and it shouldn't be considered torture if there are no visible marks."

The American record on interrogation came under fresh scrutiny last week after reports that the CIA runs a secret prison system across the world, including facilities in Eastern Europe. Mr Bush neither confirmed nor denied the existence of such prisons.

"Even if I wanted to tell you - and I really do - I can't," he said. "Once Amnesty-Fucking-International finds out where these prisons are, we'll have to go and build some more. And the American taxpayer should not have to foot the bill for a bunch of new secret torture facilities."


Most hidden prisons have 220 volts at the interigation outlets, except for maybe Canada;-)
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