.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

11/23/2005

GOP Changes National Symbol To Raging Middle Finger


By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Washington, D.C.)—After weeks of mounting discord on Capitol Hill concerning the war on terror, faulty intelligence, indictment controversies, and slumping poll numbers, the Republican National Committee announced today that it was changing the party’s official symbol to the staunchly erect middle finger of a white male.

This marks a vast departure from the GOP’s previous icon, the Republican Elephant, which was created by cartoonist Thomas Nast in 1874 and first appeared in Harper’s Weekly. For countless Americans, the Republican Elephant symbolized strength, wisdom, and freedom, and has been a hallmark of conservative ideology for over a century.

But Republicans feel this move will help them reestablish dominance in a muddled and harrowing political landscape, and are confident in their decision.

“It was a difficult choice,” said Bill Frist, Senate Majority Leader and arguably most influential member of the legislature. “We kicked around a lot of ideas. Delay wanted to put Uncle Sam in fatigues, McCain wanted to give the elephant a big set of balls, but we finally chose something pointy. Clearly, it gets the job done.”

Frist’s colleagues echoed his sentiments.

“I am so fucking sick of Democrats whining and bitching like they own this joint,” remarked Senator Orin Hatch of Utah, one of the more vocal conservatives in Congress. “Personally, I wanted to switch to the finger back when Kerry lost, but W talked me out of it. Well, today’s the day, folks. Our message is simple and pure: either you’re a patriot, or you need to seriously go fuck yourself and get run over by a car. Preferably a Dodge Ram. Those bitches are huge.”

Comments:
We're number one!
We're number one!
 
The middle class working Republicans want the erect middle finger to be more representative/inclusive.

Better give it some dirt/grease under the nail.
 
Ewwwwww.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?