.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Merck Execs Pumped After Vioxx Victory

A gleeful Merck CEO gave high-fives all around headquarters yesterday in light of news that the painkiller Vioxx won a court case.

"Yes! I just knew we would win," said Richard T. Clark, CEO and president. "Phew! That was close; I thought my stock options were gonna get creamed."

Clark, pausing to bump chests with the rest of his management team, called the decision "really freaking awesome."

"I still think it's going to be a long, challenging road ahead for Merck," he said. "Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the corpses and everything, but I got kids going to college. I need this cash."

The Atlantic City jury said Vioxx did not cause an Idaho postal worker's heart attack, and also said Merck did not commit consumer fraud in marketing Vioxx to physicians.

Analysts say Merck faces billions of dollars in potential liability from such cases following its New Jersey victory. Clark remained optimistic.

"One down, four thousand to go," he said. "But we're back, baby."

yaaaaaay vioxxx
You can't get a buzz of of it; so, what's the big deal?
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?