National Nitwit

(New York) Analysts with the United Nations released figures today demonstrating that the new Harry Potter film will eventually produce revenues greater than that of over 100 nations.

"The Harry Potter series may well cross the $5 billion mark before it ends," said Martin Schorbacher of the United Nations. "Meanwhile, billions of people go to bed hungry every night. Listen, why don't a bunch of you just wait until the DVD comes out and rent it? Then you might be able to - oh, I don't know - SEND A DOLLAR OVERSEAS?!?!?!"

The fourth film in the series about the boy wizard lit up the box office this weekend with $101.4 million - becoming the fourth movie in history to earn that much in its first three days.

"This is the kind of film that studio executives lie in bed dreaming about," says Paul Dergarabedian, president of Exhibitor Relations. "It sucks to live in the Third World and all, but holy shit that's a lot of cash!"

Dergarabedian believes that the film marks a turnaround for the industry, while the divide between the world's wealthy and poor grows.

"We've heard so much talk that it's a sluggish year, down 6% in receipts and 8% in attendance," he said. "One film like this can turn it around, but there isn't much time left. Still, I am glad I am not living in one of those really nasty places overseas."