National Nitwit

(Dover, PA) Conservative Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design," and warned them Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck.

"Y'all have pissed off the Lord," said Robertson. "Remember Sodom and Gomorrah? You may not, but God sure as hell does."

Robertson's 700 Club claims a daily audience of over one million, and it is broadcast around the world in more than 70 languages. The pastor chastised Dover residents for their vote.

"What does God have to do, put a fucking "G" next to the candidates' names?" he asked. "Let me tell you - this town has really screwed the pooch on this vote."

Eight Dover school board members lost their seats after trying to introduce a statement on "intelligent design" to high school biology students. Robertson expressed sympathy for the ousted officials.

"These were godly, decent people that you have completely jacked," he said. "Instead, you have voted into office a crew of Satan's worst pedophiles, bestialists, and whoremongers. In short, you have doomed your wicked village."

Intelligent design advocates argue that nature is too complex to have evolved through natural selection, and must have been created by a "designer." Opponents say it is a blatant attempt by conservatives to introduce religion into the school science curriculum.

Robertson scoffed at evolution and modern science.

"It is clear that that there is a conspiracy to fabricate fossils and other evidence; why is it that none of this stuff was around until Darwin came along?" he asked. "You people are just too stupid to connect the dots."