National Nitwit

(Washington, DC) A family in the nation's capitol was attacked by a robotic vacuum cleaner Wednesday. Roomba, the first automatic vacuum available in the US, is a vacuum cleaner that uses robotic technology to clean floors.

For the Henderson family, however, the Roomba is a psychotic killer 13 inches in diameter and lighter than a bowling ball.

"It just sat there and stared at us with those beady little red laser-eyes," said Barb Henderson. "Then it kept playing this creepy little "doo-doo-doo-doo" song. We were scared out of our minds."

Roomba uses AI algorithms to clean efficiently and was developed by by iRobot, pioneers in artificial intelligence who have built products for the US military. Henderson said that the Roomba can be adapted to clean more than floors.

"I think that the 'clean house' command for Roomba is interpreted to mean 'kill all humans,' because it cornered us for three hours," said Henderson. "We were afraid to move."

“Since introducing Roomba last year, we have had a great response from consumers who are eager to automate tedious housework,” said Greg White, executive vice president and general manager of iRobot Consumer Robots. “We have had very few problems with Roombas switching to assassin mode."

White believes that the Hendersons were unfortunate victims of a software error.

"Both the Roomba and a military stealth robot, the 'Boomba,' are produced in the same factory," said White. "We apologize for the mixup."