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Bloomberg Unveils Hover Car, Swears Vengeance On City Transit

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(New York)—In a stunning show of executive prowess, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced that he is releasing a fleet of hover cars—financed by his own personal fortune—for immediate use by city residents.

Most analysts agree that this move will single-handedly squelch the demands of striking transit workers, who paralyzed the city for days before agreeing to return to work yesterday.

“I have tried to be patient, and I have tried to show compassion to these workers,” Bloomberg stated in a polished press conference earlier today. “But I sat at a stoplight for 46 minutes today in the back of my stretch Hummer, and goddamn it, enough’s enough. Behold: the future of New York transportaion!”

With the dramatic flourish of a magician, Bloomberg and several interns opened a vast curtain, revealing dozens of space-age vehicles that gently whirred and teetered mid-air.

Hundreds of reporters exploded with rapturous applause, while one Fox News affiliate waited uncomfortably for someone to respond to his lingering high-five.

“This is a great day for New York,” beamed Ralph Murray, a municipal worker in attendance. “I thought it was pretty awesome when I got to eat nine pints of ice cream in the ’77 blackout, but hover cars? I’m totally gonna spit on some bus drivers in an unemployment line.”

transit workers smell like grease
...while one Fox News affiliate waited uncomfortably for someone to respond to his lingering high-five.

If you are a Fox News affiliate you get used to this happening pretty much everywhere you go.
Tethered (powered up, that is) hover cars; now THERE'S an idea...
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