National Nitwit

(Washington, DC) President Bush, under increasing criticism for the war and problems at home, today unveiled a new strategy for Iraq.

Entitled "Bleed 'Em and Theocracy," the plan integrates changes that have occurred in the Middle East since the US-led invasion of Iraq, which came under the rubric of "Freedom and Democracy."

"Our mission is to embrace the theocratic, mullah-dominated government freely elected by the Iraqi people over the past week," said Bush. "We will now attempt to capitalize on the successes in Iraq and spread theocracy throughout the Middle East."

The "Bleed 'Em" portion of the policy is geared toward Iraqi resources.

"Look - this war has cost the US nearly a quarter trillion dollars, plus the lives of thousands of patriotic American soldiers," said Bush. "If we bleed 'em for oil, those loyal troops will not have died in vain."

Bush added that the new policy may have domestic applications as well.

"We are excited about the possibilities of theocratic philosophy right here at home," he said, holding up a Bible for emphasis. "'Bleed 'Em and Theocracy' might very well be just the medicine to cure the American body politic."