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DeLay To Face Charges Of Being An "Insufferable Asswipe"

(Washington, DC) Embattled Republican congressman Tom DeLay received more bad news today from legal advisors, who informed him that prosecutors will be seeking new charges.

"We have decided to charge Tom DeLay with being an arrogant fucking prick," said prosecutor Ronnie Earle. "We are still researching this to see if it's actually a crime, but there is no iota of doubt that DeLay is the most pompous dickhead we have ever seen."

DeLay, 58, and two GOP fundraisers, John Colyandro and Jim Ellis, are accused of illegally funneling $190,000 in corporate donations to 2002 Republican candidates for the Texas Legislature.

Earle said that the sheer audacity of the scheme caused him to seek the new charges.

'My God, the guy just sits there with that smug little smirk," he said. "I just want to walk over and bitch-slap that cocky motherfucker. God!"

A judge yesterday dismissed a conspiracy charge Monday against DeLay, but refused to throw out the far more serious allegations of money-laundering. This dashed the congressman's hopes for of reclaiming his post as House majority leader.

"That smarmy bastard needs to be put down like a diseased cur," said Earle. "Look! The fucker did it again! Did you see that shit? He just leered at me and grinned, the little douchebag!"

Shhhhhh! (The judge is in on the conspiracy...)
Don't make me come over there and kick your ass.
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