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Nation's Cockatiels Decry Bird Flu Vaccine Hoarding

(New York) A spokesbird for the advocacy group CAVE (Cockatiels Affirming Vaccines for Everyone) called the US Centers for Disease Control a "bunch of anti-avian fascists" who would "gladly sacrifice the nation's birds" rather than provide them with bird flu vaccines.

"I know we can be really screechy and we crap all over our cages," said "JJ," a yellow-and-gray cockatiel. "But don't we deserve some protection, too? We at CAVE are beginning to think that the bird flu was genetically engineered to wipe out cockatiels and make room for those nasty parrots."

JJ said that the nation's birds have just as much right to health care as humans.

"OK, so we don't pay taxes, and you have to shell a lot of money for bird food," he said. "Think about the happy times, like when we learn to mimic the music to Donkey Kong and sing it when you are hung over."

A spokesperson for the CDC denied that there is a plot to destroy cockatiels.

"They are going to be wiped out like every other bird, and probably 15% of the human population once the virus mutates," said Dr. Tom Skinner. "However, even if the bird flu just takes out those annoying little squawkers, is that really so bad?"

Uh, Mr. Cockatiel, will that be Visa, MasterCard, or American Express?

I THOUGHT so, yer otta here...
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