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12/29/2005

New Orleans Man Sobers Up, Blames Self For Catastrophe


(New Orleans. LA) Stephen Jarviss last remembers a drink he took on August 28. The rest, he says, is just a blur.

"I'm walking around my city, and I just know it's my fault," he said, tearfully surveying the wreckage. "I've done some crazy shit before when I've been on a bender, but destroy a whole fucking town? My God, I'm in a world of trouble now."

Jarviss, an admitted "alcoholic, coke-aholic, and everything-aholic," said that New Orleans has all the hallmarks of "a world-class Jarviss blackout."

"The last time I lost it I beat up my girlfriend and torched my trailer," he said. "What the hell have I done this time?"

Federal, state, and local officials were more than happy in allowing Jarviss to shoulder the blame.

"Phew! Looked like all the heat was going to land on me," said Louisiana governor Kathleen Blanco. "With Jarviss here, we're all in the clear."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 11:56 AM
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