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12/22/2005

Study Finds Oxygen Primary Cause Of Tooth Decay


(Minneapolis, MN) Researchers at the University of Minnesota announced preliminary results of a study demonstrating “conclusive evidence” that tooth decay is cause primarily by oxygen.

“Without oxygen, those filthy mouth germs could not breathe,” said Dimity Yankov, director of the university’s dental research institute. “Plus, as the crucial third element in the carbon-hydrogen-oxygen troika, sugars could not even exist without oxygen.”

Yankov said that research subjects in an anaerobic environment demonstrated “near-complete” retardation of tooth decay.

“Unfortunately, they also kept dying; it was most annoying to see the whiny bastards scratching at the windows of the hyperbaric chambers,” he said. “In the next phase we will make sure we screen out oxygen-dependent participants.”

Fossil fuel advocates championed the study’s findings.

“This study provides a definitive first step in rehabilitating the image of carbon dioxide, methane, and other ostracized atmospheric gasses,” said Kerry Seen, a spokesperson for Oxygen Is Lame (OIL). “It’s about time that the American public got the truth about the hot air blown around by greenhouse gas lunatics.”

Comments:
I KNEW it!
 
Hey, we just want to do our job. Whatever it takes, be good to us!
 
This news sorta takes your breath away, doesn't it?
 
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