.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Bird Flu Scare Hurts Tuna Maker, Spokesman

(New York) Stock in the parent company of seafood maker Chicken of the Sea fell 37% yesterday amid news that that avian bird flu was detected in Canada.

Longtime spokesman Charley Tuna expressed unhappiness with the market raction.

"We just TASTE like chicken," he said. "Tuna live in the ocean, you nimrods. We can no more catch avian flu than we can smallpox."

The bird flu strain found in Chilliwack, BC, last week is not the H5N1 strain that has world health experts worried about a global pandemic, after at least 65 people died in Asia since 2003.

"I am beginning to regret ever signing on with this company," said Tuna, wiping kelp off his glasses. "I am a paraiah in the maritime community, and I don't have lungs, so my land opportunities are pretty slim."

Chicken of the Sea is one of the oldest seafood companies in the United States. Tri-Marine International and Edmund Gann sold their 50 percent interest in Chicken of the Sea to Thai Union International, Inc. in 2000.

Tuna remains doubtful that the seafood company will bounce back.

"Look at Jack-in-the-Box: can you honestly say that you can think of that company without thinking of dead children?" he asked. "The Starkist marketing people are probably already coming up with a new campaign with pigs or cows to get rid of the "chicken" association. I am pretty much screwed as a spokesman."

Tastes Like Chicken - HA!
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?