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1/04/2006

Coal Mine Spokesman: "Fooled Ya!"

Left: WV Governor Joe Manchin pulling the leg of family members

(Tallmansville, SV) Despair and anger replaced joy early this morning as mine officials announced that, despite earlier accounts, only one of 13 trapped miners survived a West Virginia mining accident.

"Oh man - the looks on the faces of those families were hilarious! They were all like 'Oh, thank you Jesus,'" laughed Ben Hatfield, the CEO of International Coal Group, which owns the Sago Mine. "And when we told them the men were really dead - too funny!"

The only survivor, Randy McCloy Jr., was in critical condition after being transported Mogantown's to West Virginia University Hospital.

"We had Randy pretend to be dead, and then open his eyes and mumble 'BOO!' to his wife," said Hatfield, doubling over in laughter. "The woman almost had a heart attack herself."

Hatfield said the best part of the gag was spoofing the media.

"That Anderson Cooper - what a hoot!" he gasped. "That guy looked like he was gonna kick my ass after he had to go back on and say the miners were really dead. Oh man - I have never laughed so hard in my life!"


Comments:
That's cold, man.
 
Not as cold as...

THOSE DEAD MINERS!!

Ho! Got ya again!
 
Ha!
 
No way - this is too soon!
 
You can bet that the terrorists who perpetated this heinous crime will be brought to justice, and may God bless America.
 
Whoa - heavy
 
Listen, thanks for the prayers and all.

Now how about coughing up some cash for my kids, OK?
 
TACKY

They're not even buried yet
 
You sir, are one sick puppy.
 
Murderous Hatfield Mining Company :-)
Lessons learned -all executives to jail!
 
I WILL get back at you, Hatfield.

You think PUNK'D is rough? I'm going to create a new show called
"BITCH-SLAPP'D" just for you.

Fucker.
 
Really sorry about all that.
 
You guys are warped, but I have to admit I laughed my ass off.
 
you guys are sick and disgusting for writing this about those miners... anyone would have to have some srious twisted perverted mindsw to make fun of them...they risk their lives EVERYDAY just so you can have your pathetic everyday luxuries! i am embarassed to call you an american.
 
I knew there would be some people who didn't get the satire, but the previous comment was ridiculous.

The parody is not about the dead miners, moron. It's about the media, the corporations, and the politicians who all profited from the tragedy.

Instead of attacking the National Nitwit, why not write your fucking congressman and demand that the Ben Hatfield's company fix the 208 violations?

Or write CNN, FOX, and the rest of the media vultures and chastise those whose desire to get the scoop likely fueled the mistaken rumor that 12 miners were alive?

Or opportunistic politicians like the WV governor, who told those poor residents of Sago that he was going to bring the survivors back to that church?

Moron.
 
Aw, come on, Bob. Let 'em be.
 
Keep up the good work Bob.
 
I would like to know if there were any sales of the company's stock during the time the public was being fed this misinformation.
 
This is ridiculous! West Virginian's are still in mourning from this tragedy. Give us a chance to heal before you start cracking jokes! If you can't say anything nice...Don't say anything at all!!! This was a devastating tragedy and there is no humor to be found in it!
 
Wah! Wah!

The humor is not about the miners, moron, who suffered a terrible fate.

Nor is it about their families.

Your politically-correct bullshit is nauseating. Get a life.
 
I'm sorry that I just wasted two minutes of my time reading this.
 
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