National Nitwit

(Detroit, MI) Facing declining sales in a poor automobile market increasingly driven by alternative fuel technologies, GM rolled out a new model it believes will address a variety of consumer demands.

Tentatively called the "Rockrolet," the new gas-foot hybrid should have broad appeal among potential car buyers.

"For one - it gets great mileage, since human foot-power provides most of the energy needed to operate it," said General Motors Chairman and CEO Rick Wagoner. "Plus, the use of feet as a braking device cuts down on maintenance. Shoes are a helluva lot cheaper than new brake pads."

Health benefits are another plus for the new Rockrolet.

"You can really work up a sweat moving one of these bad boys," said Waggoner. "I'll bet you could lose five pounds a week if you drove one of these babies to work every day."

The car's simple deign also means lower production overhead.

"You got some logs and some animal skins for the body, and the labor to build one of these suckers is about 1/10 that of an SUV," said Waggoner. "I think we are entering a new era of stripped-down transportation for a growing demographic of poorly-paid, unskilled workers."