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1/28/2006

Hamas Names New Minister Of Car Bombs, Other Posts

(Gaza City, Palestine) The Islamic Resistance Movement (Hamas), which won the Palestinian parliamentary elections, said Friday that it has asked President Mahmoud Abbas to meet in Gaza within two days to discuss the formation of a new cabinet.

The first announced cabinet position was Minister of Car Bombs, which will be held by Ismail Heneya, a senior Hamas leader.

"I say to you - death to infidels," said Heneya. " I say this because this is the sort of cliched statement a person like me should make at a time like this, the day of our great Hamas victory."

The Hamas cabinet announcements came after its landslide win in Wednesday's elections. The group claimed a majority of 76 seats against 43 seats won by Fatah, which is currently led by Abbas.

Also named to a cabinet post was Ghazi Hamad, the new Minister of Improvised Explosives.

"We must be ever vigilant in our stated goal of blowing up everything that reeks of Israeli body odor," said Hamad. "Praise Allah - there can never be a working bus or operational cafe in the West Bank. They must all be blown to tiny bits."

Rounding out the new appointments is Khaled Mashal, Minister of Shrieking and Raised Fists.

"Hamas has never actually done anything productive, but you can be sure our voices shall shriek and our fists will be forever raised in defiance of the imperialist dogs," said Mashal, fist in air. "And there shall be much burning of American flags, my friends!"

Comments:
Well you just blew it...No virgins for you!

:-)
 
Hilarious!

Petrograde
 
So when is Israel appointing a minister of West Bank land theft or house demolitions? will Israel's Olympic team include a child murderer enclave, perhaps as part on an IDF or settler marksmanship club? How about a team to torment Rachel Corey's parents? Pos-si-bil=i-ties-ie-es.
 
Hulk Smash Hamas!

SMASH!
 
Could you see your way to making up something equally childish and offensive about, say, the Hebron settlers?
 
Well, you entirely missed the biggest part of the story -- the power struggle to see who gets to head the Ministry of Islamic Fidelity. The person who gets this plum position will have the fun of stamping out popular music, stylish haircuts, fashionable clothing, and other manifestations of infidelity among the Palestinian people themselves.
 
Anonymous #1 and #2:

1. This is satire. Look the word up in the dictionary; that is, if you can let go of the martyr's crosses long enogh to pick up such a book.

2. We at the national Nitwit skewer everyone; we are an equal-opportunity parody site. Humor does not only belong to one ideology, and yes, we have blasted the Israelis in posts before. Read the archives.

3. As satire, this piece seeks to use humor to point out hard tuths, like the fact that Hamas has a history of doing things like blowing up innocent civilians, or the fact that this political faction has almost no experience in running a government. Face the hard truths, and quit being whiny martyrs.
 
Hulk: Give Hamas a few weeks first, OK buddy?
 
Charles:

Very good point, and almost so close to the truth as to not be funny. We also worry that the fundamentalists among Hamas will win out over its more secular arms.

That is, when we are sober enough to put together coherent thought. The first goal of the editors of National Nitwit is to get as stinking drunk as possible as many days as possible.
 
I heard that the hamas cousin dating service will requrie at least 2 family member being related BEFORE it's acceptable to date
 
So when is Israel appointing a minister of West Bank land theft or house demolitions? will Israel's Olympic team include a child murderer enclave, perhaps as part on an IDF or settler marksmanship club? How about a team to torment Rachel Corey's parents? Pos-si-bil=i-ties-ie-es.

Yes those jews stole the lands of david & jesus...

what freakin theives...

As for child murder, please look at iran's ability to use waves of children to clear mine fields, and not that i need to prove anything, the total number of arab kids killed by israel is still less than one month's murder by arabs of sudaneese christians...
 
as for tachel corey, yes stupid bitch that she was, throws herself under a bulldozer?

what a moron, and for what? to protect an empty home of a murderer...

rachel's parents were criminal in raising such a stupid moron...

besides last week fatah tried to kidnap them in gaza...

pass the pork rinds
 
No Lisa. They get their virgins. The only catch is, they all look like Rosie O'Donnell.
 
Subcomandante Bob: hey, give the Hulk a break! "A few weeks" is long time for a creature whose attention span is measured in seconds...Go Hulk!

Anonymous: you are upset that a band of obvious murderers are being mocked. What's wrong with you? Any offenses of the Israeli government are beside the point, nothing justifies the murder of schoolchildren. Mocking by the Subcomandante is only the start of what Hamas desrves.

And to me: now do you finally understand what your ex-wife meant by "too much free time?"
 
You are wickedly funny!

Two thumbs up!

Have you seen my Taliban Singles Online on BoggyWoggy
 
You people are slime. The Palestinians have been getting beaten down at every turn, and you go and jump right in. Shame, shame, shame!
 
I'm having a Kreskin moment here:

I see a sea of glass in the Mid-east, exactly where is unclear.

Many bad vibes, much bad Karma...

(and a few new assholes…)
 
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