.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Kuwaiti Leader Leaves Vast Fortune to 80's Heart-Throb

By National Nitwit correspondent Raphael Dahomey

(Kuwait City) Sheik Jaber Al Ahmed Al Sabah, the emir of Kuwait and one of the United States' closest Mideast allies, was buried Sunday in a ceremony attended by thousands of citizens who mourned the death of an the Gulf ruler.

A surprise came when the will of the emir was read to family members gathered in the office of the late monarch's lawyer.

"I, Jaber Al Ahmed Al Sabah, being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath all my worldly good to Corey Haim," read the attorney aloud. "That guy was really cool!"

A shocked crown prince Sheik Saad Al Abdullah Al Sabah denounced the testament.

"I hope that fucker burns in hell for a million years," he cursed. "And after I helped him get out of that mess with the dead boy in his bedroom last year; just goes to show that blood don't mean jack shit after all."

The new emir watched from a wheelchair as the body of his distant cousin was wrapped in a Kuwaiti flag.

"Why don't you burn him in the flag, too?" jeered Al Sabah. "Back-stabbing, boy-hungry pedophile!"

Haim, whose breakthrough came when he snagged one of the major roles in Joel Schumacher’s "Lost Boys," expressed excitement at the news.

"Man, that is totally bitching," he said, rubbing his hands. "I've got coke and smack dealers all over Orange County calling my ass - word sure gets around fast in this town. Hey - how long do you think it will take me to blow through an $80 billion inheritance?"

i loved Lost Boys!
"Hey - how long do you think it will take me to blow through an $80 billion inheritance?"

About 1.3 nano-seconds, if you live that long infidel.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?