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1/27/2006

Shatner To Auction Off Hemorrhoids, Plantar Wart

(Los Angeles, CA) Buoyed by a similar auction, William Shatner will next put up for bid a set of dried hemorrhoids and a plantar wart recently removed from his left foot.

"I couldn't believe there were people stupid enough to buy this crap," he said. "I have obviously underrated the human capacity for idiocy."

The 74-year-old actor, featured in the ABC TV series Boston Legal, sold his kidney stone to an online gambling website for $25,000. Shatner says that, unlike his first auction, proceeds from this sale will not go to charity.

"Hell no. I am keeping this cash," he said. "My Star Trek royalties don't add up to shit, and my ex-wife gets 60% of my pay from the new series. Habitat for Humanity will just have to find another source of fundraising."

Shatner, famous for playing Captain James T. Kirk, commander of the starship USS Enterprise in the original Star Trek TV series, said that he is working with his physician to find other auctionable materials.

"He thinks my prostate needs to come out, and my adenoids have been bothering me for years," he said. "At this rate I ought to be able to generate a half million or so before I run out of surplus parts."

Comments:
i'd like to see him get really financially desperate- just to see if he'd start auctioning body parts that don't need to be removed...

...come and bid on captain kirk's little toe...
 
sick shit.

BTW, annonymous: you want a toe? I can get you a toe.
 
Hey Bill,

Don't forget that malignant growth, right above your collar ;-)
 
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