National Nitwit

(New York) With the Super Bowl just weeks away, the Rolling Stones added a new member to the band - character actor Wilford Brimley, who will play bass for the group.

"Wilford and I go back a long ways, and we figured he would blend right in with the band," said Mick Jagger. "He has always looked 65, and we just sort of caught up to him. Plus, all those Quaker Oats he used to eat leave him in excellent physical shape, although you don't want to be in a closed room with his flatulent ass."

The band's recent North American tour was the highest-grossing tour of all time, with figures from US trade publication Pollstar showing the group sold tickets worth $162 million in the US in 2005. Jagger believes that the addition of Brimley will also be a smart marketing move.

"Look - we never really draw well from the 60-and-older set," he said. "There is big money in the shuffleboard circuit."

Brimley believes that he will be an asset to the Stones, and he said he looks forward to the Super Bowl show in Detroit.

"I was a horseshoer. Used to shoe horses for Montie Montana's spotted horse when he was hawking Weber bread," he said. "Montie and his family came out West in a wagon train, you know. Um - what the hell was the question?"