.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

2/04/2006

Crow: "Lance Never Told Me He Was Missing Some Stuff Down There"

Left: The couple in happier days

(Austin, TX) Cycling champion Lance Armstrong and rock star Sheryl Crow have split up five months after announcing their engagement, the couple said in a joint statement on Friday.

Crow blamed the breakup on "certain important biological information" that Armstrong failed to tell her.

"Look - I am a pretty easygoing woman and someone who is accepting of all people, but the whole "missing Milk Duds" thing was just too mch," she said. "For months I always wondered why he changed in the dark, and freaked out if I turned on a light after sex. I can't believe he kept this from me for so long."

Their attempts to conceive a child had been fruitless, Crow said, and she realizes now why fertility specialists kept giving her "funny looks."

"In hindsight, I knew about the whole cancer deal, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he's - you know - neutered," she said. "But maybe he could have actually SAID SOMETHING about how he was missing some necessary parts?"

Armstrong denied that he deliberately misled his former fiancée.

"Hey man - she should have been smart enough to figure it out," he asserted. "Jesus Christ - the cancer spread from my testicles to my lungs and brain. Did she really think there was much left? What a ditz." . . .

Comments:
ewwwwww - "Milk Duds"
 
Look - it's nothing personal. I wish Lance the best, but Johnny NoNuts just couldn't get the job done, you know what I mean?
 
Hey Bob, how come you didn't post any nude pictures of Sheryl? Nimbusters can't enjoy an article without porn.
And hey, try to use smaller words.
 
P.S. Hey can you post some Non Worth while links? I figure this is the only way that my blog is going to get a link from your site.
 
Bob shall consider the NIM request. Some of UF's material is wickedly funny, but there's the whole content issue.

Perhaps there could be a "Really Over The Edge" category with a disclaimer.

With all the blogs that have been getting yanked, Bob does not want to run into the ire of Google and Blogger, especially since this site is starting to cook.

Bob has aspirations of taking this one commercial if the traffic can get into the thousands per day (right now it's only about 150-200 hits a day, although a piece got linked to Fark.com that went apeshit last week)
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?