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Crow: "Lance Never Told Me He Was Missing Some Stuff Down There"

Left: The couple in happier days

(Austin, TX) Cycling champion Lance Armstrong and rock star Sheryl Crow have split up five months after announcing their engagement, the couple said in a joint statement on Friday.

Crow blamed the breakup on "certain important biological information" that Armstrong failed to tell her.

"Look - I am a pretty easygoing woman and someone who is accepting of all people, but the whole "missing Milk Duds" thing was just too mch," she said. "For months I always wondered why he changed in the dark, and freaked out if I turned on a light after sex. I can't believe he kept this from me for so long."

Their attempts to conceive a child had been fruitless, Crow said, and she realizes now why fertility specialists kept giving her "funny looks."

"In hindsight, I knew about the whole cancer deal, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he's - you know - neutered," she said. "But maybe he could have actually SAID SOMETHING about how he was missing some necessary parts?"

Armstrong denied that he deliberately misled his former fiancée.

"Hey man - she should have been smart enough to figure it out," he asserted. "Jesus Christ - the cancer spread from my testicles to my lungs and brain. Did she really think there was much left? What a ditz." . . .

ewwwwww - "Milk Duds"
Look - it's nothing personal. I wish Lance the best, but Johnny NoNuts just couldn't get the job done, you know what I mean?
Hey Bob, how come you didn't post any nude pictures of Sheryl? Nimbusters can't enjoy an article without porn.
And hey, try to use smaller words.
P.S. Hey can you post some Non Worth while links? I figure this is the only way that my blog is going to get a link from your site.
Bob shall consider the NIM request. Some of UF's material is wickedly funny, but there's the whole content issue.

Perhaps there could be a "Really Over The Edge" category with a disclaimer.

With all the blogs that have been getting yanked, Bob does not want to run into the ire of Google and Blogger, especially since this site is starting to cook.

Bob has aspirations of taking this one commercial if the traffic can get into the thousands per day (right now it's only about 150-200 hits a day, although a piece got linked to Fark.com that went apeshit last week)
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