National Nitwit

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Los Angeles, CA)—The beloved Geico Gecko was arrested early this morning as the lead suspect in a horrendous hit-and-run accident that occurred late last night on the Sunset Strip, leaving two dead and one man in critical condition.

While the Los Angeles Police Department declined to comment pending “an ongoing investigation,” several eyewitnesses place the Gecko at the heart of the collision, which occurred at approximately 2 a.m.

“That son of bitch all over road,” recalled Sonia Marquez, a migrant worker from a nearby motel. “He crazy and drunk. Man, he one eye on lamppost, one eye on hooker, no eye on stop sign.”

And as if this weren’t enough trouble for the young Cockney star, an exclusive National Nitwit investigation has revealed his financial joyride—a staggering $8.2 million contract signed just last week—may soon come to a screeching halt.

“That limey bastard hasn’t paid taxes since he gained dual citizenship back in ‘02,” revealed Jim Dugan, an administrative clerk at the Internal Revenue Service. “Unless he’s got some lost Beatles recordings hidden up his ass, he’s gonna spend his final days in a zoo.”