2/15/2006
Oldest Living Cowboy Outraged At “Brokeback” Filmmakers
By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor
(Choctaw, OK)—At 103, Bruce Jenson is the nation’s oldest cowboy, and is seen by many to be a living relic of America’s mythic Wild West.
Recently, however, Jenson ended his stoic silence to offer a message of protest to the producers of blockbuster drama “Brokeback Mountain.”
“I don’t know what goddamn history books those fellas been readin’,” Jenson shakily vented in an exclusive interview with the National Nitwit, “but we spent most of our time ridin’ mules in the Montana wilderness and cookin’ rabbit stew. None of us had pretty blonde wives fawnin’ over us like the boys in that movie.”
Jenson was also angered by the inaccurate portrayal of technology in the film.
“We didn’t have them shiny Chevrolet trucks, and we certainly didn’t have nylon rope,” Jenson spurned. “When you got tied up by your buddies, you felt the sting of raw hemp on your thighs for weeks.”
When prompted about the movie’s homosexual themes, Jenson appeared less indignant.
“Queers? Son, let me clue you in,” Jenson reminisced. “After a long day on the trail, there was always one ride left to take…you hear me knockin’?”
# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 6:14 AM
