National Nitwit

(Portland, OR) A homeowner who fended off pesky religious solicitors by punching them in the nose said he learned the tactic by watching television shows such as the Discovery Channel's Shark Week.

"It's like your worst nightmare," Anderson said by phone from his Portland home, calling the incident "an adventure which has made life that much more precious and interesting."

Anderson was at his home near a popular surfing spot near Tillamook Head on Saturday when something grabbed his leg. Realizing it was a Jehovah's Witness, he slugged the predator repeatedly in the nose to get it to loosen its grip.

"It felt like getting clamped in a bear trap," he said. "It was a piercing pain accompanied by annoying pamphlets, and then everything went numb."

Anderson said he learned from television shows that a shark's nose is its most sensitive area, and he figured it would also work on Jehovah's Witnesses.

"Yeah, those crazy bastards can smell a sucker just like sharks smell blood in water," he said. "And once they get ahold of you, they won't let go. It's a damn good thing I watched "Shark Week" to learn the nose-blast technique, or I probably would have converted by now."

Marvin Beitleman, 54, was one of the Witnesses confronted by Anderson.

"Look - we were just passing out tracts," he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "There was no reason for him to pop us in the face like that." Paris Hilton