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3/24/2006

Pope Turns 15 Men into Cardinals

(Vatican City) Pope Benedict XVI has morphed 15 prelates into cardinals at a ceremony at the Vatican today.

"I am counting on you to see to it that the Church’s solicitude for the poor and needy challenges the world with a powerful statement on the civilization of love," he said. "But I will be highly angered if you start singing before six in the morning."

Benedict told the prelates he was counting on them to spread the principles of love and charity that he had highlighted in his first encyclical, ``God is Love.''

"May your scarlet feathers always express Christ's charity," he said. "I am counting on you, oh feathered friends, to ensure that the principle of love will spread far and wide, and that no kids with .22 rifles pick you off. Amen."

One cardinal, however, expressed discontent with the Pope's act.

"Hey man - I agreed to the whole chastity and vow of poverty deals, but this is too much," said William Levada, formerly the archbishop of San Francisco. "My own cat tried to kill me today, and you would not believe these arrogant pigeons. Listen - I got a special present for Benedict, and I'm going to drop it right in the middle of his fucking silk hat." Paris Hilton

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