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Bush Running Out of Things to Fuck Up

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Washington, DC)—With gas prices spiraling out of control and open civil war undermining the democratic process in Iraq, President Bush seems to have extended his Midas touch of buffoonery to every living thing on earth.

Bush made a short speech earlier this morning near the White House rose garden highlighting his sublime failures, which have seen his approval ratings dip near the 30-percentile mark in recent weeks, according to a recent report by FOX News.

“Everything I touch turns to shit,” Bush remarked to a cavalcade of press officials. “I think the best way for me to spend the remainder of my term is playing Tetris in Cheney’s Colorado bunker.”

Bush outlined a meticulous plan for how the nation could remain on course until his second term expires in 2008.

“Instead of letting Congress take over, I’ve decided to hold one bitchin’ tourny of whiffleball, winner take all,” Bush beamed. “My administration is gonna play an assortment of Fortune 500 teams and let the best one take control, since they basically run the country anyway.”

When asked by an esteemed D.C.-area reporter if he had any regrets before retreating into shadow, Mr. Bush provided a rare moment of poignant contemplation.

“Sure, Billy, I’ve got regrets,” Bush revealed. “I never bagged two chicks at once, I never watched a terrorist’s head split like a melon, and I never saw The Eagles in concert. Otherwise, it’s been one hell of a ride.” Andrew+Card

Sounds like the Prez has a plan.

Now, if we just keep him on plan...
And, this:

"...until his second term expires in 2008." is incorrect.

I believe that the Prez's term ends at Noon on January 20th, 2009.
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