.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

4/11/2006

Enriched Uranium Cereals Among Iranian Goals

Left: Drunken artist's rendition of new Yellowcake Crunch

(Tehran) Iran dismissed calls that the country cease its nuclear research and vowed on Sunday to resume industrial-scale atomic fuel production even if the UN nuclear watchdog shifts Iran's case to the UN Security Council.

Iran successfully enriched uranium for the first time at the Natanz plant, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced Tuesday on state television.

In addition, Iranian officials uveiled a plan to begin production of new uranium-enriched cereals.

"If the file is referred to the Security Council, then we will begin industrial-scale enrichment”, said Ali Larijani, secretary general of Iran’s Supreme National Security Council. "We will also roll out our enriched cereal line, beginning with tasty Glowing Grahams."

Larijani said the cereals will fill two Iranian needs.

"First, this will assure a wide dispersal of the country's uranium stocks, making difficult any efforts by the agents of Satan to sieze our supplies," he said. "Secondly, we will create millions of walking dirty bomb-zombies that we can export to any country that screws with us."

The secretary-general also discussed some possible future entries in the enriched uranium cereal line.

"Some of the types we have tested include Frosted Radio-Wheats, Yellowcake Crunch, and Plutonium Puffs," he said. "But my favorite has got to be Honey Neutron O's - the uranium keeps them crunchy in milk for 300,000 years."

Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?