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Man Awakes From Coma, Finds Tony Danza Still Famous

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Bangor, ME)—After 19 years in a paralytic coma, New England man Fred Polydor miraculously awoke yesterday, and was baffled to find B-star Tony Stanza hosting his own daytime talk show on network television.

And while Polydor was happy to be reunited with his family and friends nearly two decades after a severe automobile accident, he expressed sincere dismay at the state of the entertainment industry.

“I can’t believe this greaseball is still on the air,” fumed Polydor in an exclusive interview with the National Nitwit. “I almost died in a head-on collision, and I can’t even find a good show to watch at 2 in the afternoon.”

Polydor’s frustration was not merely limited to Danza’s unwarranted acclaim, however.

“Where the fuck are the hover cars and anti-gravity boots?” Polydor grunted. “Another war and another asshole president I can deal with, but if I don’t see one of those automated showers from The Jetsons, I’m running head-first into a brick wall.”

It could be worse. Jonathan Bower (Danny Pintauro) could still be working. Wait... forget that. He plays Stefan in a movie called Still Life.
Sex robots. We need hot, automated biatches to jump our bones.
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