National Nitwit

(Redmond, WA) Apple Computer unveiled new software last week that allows Intel-based Macs to run Microsoft's Windows XP software. Called "Boot Camp," the beta-test application can be downloaded immediately.

In response, Microsoft announced a new "Apple Shredder" software that eliminates every trace of Apple's Mac OS-X operating system.

"Hell, if they are going to run Windows they have no need for OS-X," said Microsoft spokesman Jack Evans. "We figured we'd rush this out as a Windows update, sort of like a malware removal tool."

Evans said the goal is to turn Macs into PC-zombies that keep only the Apple nameplate.

"The industry has been heading this way for over a decade, and it was pretty much inevitable," he said. "Think of the modified Apple like a Yugo that gets a BMW engine and powertrain."

Microsoft, according to Evans, looks upon Apple Shredder as a sort of "PC chemotherapy delivery device."

"Face it - Apple is like a metastasizing tumor that keeps popping up. First it's your testicles, then it's your liver, and then your brain," he said. "Before you know it you're drooling and getting fed through a tube. We just don't want that to happen anymore." Mary Winkler