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Moonves Digs Katie Couric on the News

(New York) Katie Couric will announce her departure from NBC's "Today" show this morning, paving the way for her to join rival CBS and become the first woman sole anchor of a major U.S. network evening newscast.

CBS chief Les Moonves is eager to revamp the evening newscast.

"America is tired of grim announcers blathering on about body counts in Iraq and Washington scandals," he said. "Katie will be able to bring a smile and a cheerful exuberance to even the most horrible tragedies, and, can you just imagine getting jiggy with her?"

Moonves said that Couric has also agreed to some "structural" changes in the updated news program.

"Katie nixed the topless idea, but she did agree to wear a lot of those low-cut blouses," he said. "Have you SEEN the pair on her? Jesus Christ - no jury in the world would convict a man for wanting some of that - phew!"

Left: Moonves: "Mmmmmm...."

Moonves has been busy finalizing the details of Couric's new contract at CBS, where she will take over for interim anchor Bob Schieffer and do pieces for the network's highly rated newsmagazine "60 Minutes."

"She's pretty smart - she made me take out the clause that read:'Katie must get her freak on with Les every Fiday night,'" he chuckled. "I thought I had her on that one. Looks like I'll have to wait for the CBS Christmas party to get her liquored up and make my "moonves." That's what I call 'em. MOONVES. I kill me." Mary Winkler

Katie Couric is hot, dude.
I'd hit it. Got MILF?
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