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4/29/2006

Paternity Test Proves Einstein Did Not Father Modern Science


Einstein: gentleman, statesman...deceptive stepparent?

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Washington, DC)—A recent study by the Smithsonian Institute has leveled a shocking blow for the scientific community: Albert Einstein, arguably the 20th century’s greatest intellectual, did not, in fact, father modern science.

This revelation has not only called many of Einstein’s theories into question, but also his relationship with his progeny.

“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” said a frustrated Dr. John Bethlehem, one of the leading scholars who worked on the study. “We’ve accepted Einstein’s theory of relativity for decades, and now we find out he’s not our dad. We’ve been living in a house of lies.”

D.C.-area college students were devastated by the discovery, since many had been enthused by Einstein’s eccentric and colorful personality, and cited his passion for physics as their own chief inspiration.

“My mom gave me a poster of him when I took first place in a 5th grade science fair,” remarked a tearful Louise Brandy, a doctoral candidate at Georgetown University. “Ever since, I’ve wanted to walk in Einstein’s footsteps. But now, to learn he’s not even family? I want to burn every reference to gravitational lensing in this place.” Rush+Limbaugh

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 10:27 AM
Comments:
Of course the bastard didn't father science but he sure as hell knocked me up! Gave new meaning to the speed of light too! He was done before I was warmed up.
When I told he was about to be my baby's daddy he said "Vot iss you sprechen about biatch!"
Well when he came up with that theory of relativity bullshit you would've thought is more like fear of relatives. That SOB did not pay one dime of child support or even hold his baby! I hope his ugly ass hair fell out!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 1:31 PM
 
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