National Nitwit

(Redlands, CA) Fed up with what he calls "freeloading greasers," local resident David Gibbs outlined a proposal for a counter-protest.

Entitled "Un Día Sin Contribuyentes" (A Day Without Taxpayers), the protest would focus on the "hard-working white people" who pay the freight for the "welfare cheats, lazy busboys, and shifty-looking low-riders" Gibbs believes make up the vast majority of the nation's illegal immigrant population.

"If our tax money didn't roll in for a day, the entire fucking country would shut down," Gibbs told National Nitwit reporters. "These beaners need to know who's paying the way, you know what I mean?"

Gibbs said that his protest is not racist in nature.

"Look, as long as they get the french fries cooked and keep my grass at the right height, I have no problem with Mexicans," he said. "But when they start with the fist-waving and all that happy horseshit, I gotta draw the line."

Modeled after "Un Día Sin Inmigrantes" ("A Day Without Immigrants"), Gibbs's protest will be based upon grassroots action.

"The only problem is that us white people are too busy working to march," he said from his poolside chair. "I'm thinking that we could boycott Taco Bell or something to start, or not clap when somebody like Esteban Loaiza takes the mound. But the big thing is to withhold one day's worth of taxes. Once Pedro sees a cut in his ADC money, he'll change his tune." Stephen COlbert