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Bush Family to Patrol Southern US Border

Left: Lock and load

(Washington, DC) President Bush is expected to announce Monday night in a televised national speech that members of his family will take on the responsibility of protecting the nation's border with Mexico.

In an exclusive interview with National Nitwit reporters, the President detailed his plan to control illegal immigration.

"Since Congress has chosen to sit on its collective fannies and let the tidal wave of cheap labor come across the border unchecked, the Bush family has pledged to step up and do the job," he said. "Beginning June 1, there will be a member of the Bush family stationed every 50 yards along the Mexican border. Everyone except George P., Noelle, Jeb Jr., and Columba, that is - even though they are technically part of the family, I wouldn't trust them to round up illegals, since they got beaner in their blood."

The President indicated that some members of the First Family expressed reluctance with the plan.

"Barbara and Jenna whined about the lack of nightclubs in the open desert," he said. "And then my mom, Barbara Senior, started giving me a bunch of flack about 80-year-old women and 12-hour workdays. But we'll get the job done, America."

There are a few details to be worked out in the border patrol pla, added the President.

"We have to keep Neil away from any confiscated cash, and Noelle the hell away from any coke or heroin that is siezed," he admitted. "And since the border's about 2000 miles long, we'll have to call in a lot of third cousins and ex-wives, but by God we will rise to the challenge."Karl+Rove

huh huh

He said "BUSH"
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