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Clint Eastwood’s Penis to Retire

Left: The good, the bad, and the tired

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Hollywood, CA)—After six decades in the entertainment industry, Clint Eastwood’s penis announced earlier this morning that it was retiring from professional life, and that it had lost the motivation and spunk to perform.

Many—including Eastwood himself and several young film groupies—were shocked and saddened by this revelation.

“I’ve had a long and joyous career attached to this great man,” the penis stated. “But let’s face facts: I’m 76 years old, and it’s time to hang up my spurs. Shit, it’s a miracle I don’t piss on myself at night.”

In an age marked by introspective and emotionally overwrought male acting, Eastwood’s penis reminds many movie fans of a nobler ‘macho’ tradition.

But surprisingly, Eastwood’s second wife, Dina Ruiz, agrees with the decision.

“This is the right move at the right time,” Ruiz commented in an exclusive interview with the National Nitwit. “I feel like I’ve been banging Skeletor for the past ten years, so maybe we can finally give up the sex and live like normally married people: bitter and aloof.” Karl Rove

he he he he he said "spunk" in the same thought as penis.
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