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Jeff Probst Narrates Own Battle with Grizzly Bear

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Hollywood, CA)—Jeff Probst, stoic host of the hit reality show Survivor, narrated his own hand-to-hand combat with an out of control Grizzly bear on the set of CBS Studios earlier this morning.

The 19-year-old Grizzly, named Buttercup, was there with her trainer for the taping of a new fall program when she broke free.

“Who will win in this classic melee between man and beast?” Probst inquisitively asked as he jabbed Buttercup in the face with a folding chair. “One lone survivor fighting for his life against nature’s greatest monster. Find out who wins: tonight, at Jeff’s overpriced Beverly Hills apartment.”

Thankfully, CBS was able to film most of the scuffle, and plans to build an hour-long program around the 17 second clip.

“The audio’s not very good, and you can’t tell that it’s Jeff, but that bear is pissed—no doubt about that,” said Maurice Thompson, Executive Producer of the yet-to-be-titled project. “If we get some solid edits done this week, we’ll run it against the season finale of American Idol. Thank God Jeff found that axe—otherwise, we’d all watch Regis Philbin in the Cook Islands next season.” Karl Rove Gadaffi Qadaffi Gaddafi

That Jeff, what a trouper.

(Bold in this case was used to denote heavy sarcasm.)
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