National Nitwit

Left: In, out, in, out...

(New York) Illusionist David Blaine, who is spending seven-days submerged in a water-filled sphere, caused shrieks among bystanders when he showed them some fish-like appendages he has developed during his underwater stunt.

"I thought that the wrinkled skin was bad, but growing gills was something I hadn't planned on," said Blaine. "I'm not sure if I am getting any oxygen through these yet, but the sensation of water in my lungs is way uncool."

Blaine will end his challenge on Monday with an attempt to break the world record for holding breath under water, which currently stands at eight minutes, 58 seconds. He said that he is not sure if his new breathing apparatus will disqualify him from consideration for the record.

Left: Blaine, the freak-meister

"I'm not going to use them, but if I pass out I can't guarantee they won't kick in," he said, flapping his webbed hands as he begged for a fish. "The bigger question is whether chicks will want to get freaky with my new dorsal fin. That would be wild, brother."

Previous Blaine stunts have included being encased in ice for 62 hours, being suspended above London's River Thames in a glass box for 44 days, and spending 35 hours on a 100-foot-high pillar that was only two feet wide. Blaine said that he has already decided on his next stunt should he survive this one.

"I am going to challenge Tom Cruise to a placenta-eating contest," he said. "Tom thinks he is the baddest of all bad asses, but I am going to chow two placentas for every one he wolfs down. I bet that twit can't scarf more than two before puking." Loretta Nall