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6/04/2006

Alaskan Town "Pretty Freaked" by Threat of Terrorism


(Dillingham, AK) Reports from local police officials that "plutonium-smuggling terrorists from Russia" might refuel cargo ships in Dillingham have some local residents fearful for their safety.

One resident interviewed by National Nitwit reporters was glad that the Department of Homeland Security allotted the town of Dillingham $202,000 for 80 security cameras to protect against some threats.

"I never much cared for those Russkies," admitted Carl "Smitty" Schmidten. "Just because they lost the Cold War doesn't mean they aren't up to no good."

Schmidten said that he has been watching outsiders "real close" since the news broke last week.

"We had this one fellow who came into the Willow Tree Inn last night, and he just looked...well, funny," said the fisherman. "I couldn't quite put my finger on it, probably on account of the fact that I had been drinking for about eight hours, but something wasn't quite right with that boy."

Unlike some in this Alaskan town of 2,400 people located south of Anchorage, Schmidten is not concerned that the security cameras will pose a threat to privacy.

"They will have them in the port and in downtown," he said. "Anybody that might be down for some hot man-love knows better than to be dropping drawers out in public. That's what fishing boats were made for. I remember this one time me and Hank got good and drunk, and - hell, you don't want to hear about any of that." American Idol Macbook Haditha

Comments:
Kinda makes me a little less interested in Alaskan salmon (the slime, the stink, the..., never mind).
 
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