National Nitwit

Left: "These interest rates are killing us..."

(Afghanistan) As more adjustable rate mortgages (ARM) spike upward, and as housing prices begin to dip, terror leader Osama bin Laden believes the time is right to lock in a low fixed rate on al-Qaeda debts.

"I was a first-time buyer. I was blind. I didn't know what questions to ask," he said of the al-Qaeda ARM, which is now at 11%. "And the mortgage brokers are there telling you what you want to hear just to get you in the mortgage."

Bin Laden said that the rise in interest rates has hurt the terror organization's ability to meet its debt.

"Between the asset freezes and the interest rates, we can hardly afford to buy a case of RPGs," he said, drumming his fingers on the table. "And we have to think about our credit rating. It's hard enough getting a car loan with all the suicide bombers these days - the dealers are afraid they'll have nothing but a burned-out frame to repossess."

Bin Laden added that he worries about smaller terrorist cells and their ability to meet debt service.

“For those on low incomes an increase in interest rates, no matter how small, has a big impact on their ability to keep their heads above water,” he said. “We are dealing increasingly with rising numbers of terrorists who have fallen off the mortgage merry-go-round."