6/23/2006
Jersey Man Sets New Record for Auto Multi-Tasking
Left: Legendary skill(Rochelle Park, NJ) Sources close to motorist Todd Langton said the New Jersey resident exhibited "world class dexterity" during a recent road trip up the Garden State Parkway, competing 147 distinct tasks in a five-minute span.
"Todd was definitely in a zone," said front seat passenger Kevin Zorn, of Hackensack. "I have never seen a human being simultaneously drive a car with one knee while eating a Whopper, hitting a joint, and answering his cell phone."
Among the "amazing feats" Langton performed during the stretch was fielding seven phone calls from estranged girlfriend Jessica Hillebrand, whose Acura the group of four young men had procured without expressed authorization.
"Jessie was, like, totally pissed, but Todd kept his cool and answered every call," said Zorn. "Meanwhile he managed open a beer and change the CD while finishing his shake and popping a couple of aspirins. The dude was just incredible."
Left: Jeff Gordon couldn't pull this oneAt one point Zorn said he considered "docking him a couple of points" for one maneuver.
"When he sideswiped a guardrail while chugging the beer during Jessica's fourth call I was going to assess a 10-point penalty," admitted Zorn. "But the way he straightened the car out on two wheels with his knees while finishing his french fries was fucking divine. Todd is, indeed, the man."
# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 3:23 PM
