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6/15/2006

Kevorkian Builds Assisted Suicide Vest for Terminal Terrorists

(Pontiac, MI) Controversial American physician Dr. Jack Kevorkian, currently serving a prison sentence for helping patients with voluntary euthanasia, unveiled plans for a new "assisted suicide vest."

"While we may despise terrorists, they are human beings just like you and me," said Kevorkian. "My assisted suicide vest allows them to die with dignity, while blowing the ever-loving bejeesus out of a target."

Kevorkian said that his new design, however, has some philosophical issues that must be worked out.

"Under Islamic law suicide is forbidden," he said. "So the terminal terrorist must keep his act of martyrdom top of mind when he sets off the detonator, or he will be doomed for eternity. I think they might have to get hypnotized or something. I know I have trouble consciously trying to forget the thing that keeps popping up in my head, like a pink elephant. See? Now you'll be thinking about pink elephants all day."

Kevorkian admitted that he has not approached any terrorist organizations about the idea.

"They're not exactly in the phone book," he said. "But I figure they'll know how to find me when they need help. Hey Osama - here's an idea! Maybe you should recruit at hospices. Those people are going to drop dead anyways, and maybe a few of them might want to go out with a bang. Heh heh. Get it - bang? I just kill me." Bill Gates to crush Krugle - not

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 9:23 PM
Comments:
"...I just kill me."

And there Jack, is the flaw in your concept.

Say, how are the sales of those vests working out anyway?

Not exactly flying off of the shelves, are they?

A one-word suggestion/hint, redundant...
# posted by Blogger Hooda Thunkit (Dave Zawodny) : 5:14 PM
 
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