National Nitwit

Left: Man on a dangerous mission

(Pittsburgh, PA) Ben Roethlisberger, the youngest quarterback to lead his team to a Super Bowl victory, suffered a broken jaw, fractured sinus cavity nose, and severe head lacerations in a motorcycle crash Monday in which he wasn't wearing a motorcycle helmet.

Speaking to National Nitwit reporters, Roethlisberger admitted a fascination for other dangerous behaviors.

"To be honest with you, I sort of live on the edge," he said, fiddling with the IV in his arm. "Starting with how I used to run with scissors and stick forks in electrical outlets, I have always been one to laugh in the face of Death."

The Pittsburgh Steelers star said that he has never been able to resist the temptation to defy conventional wisdom.
Left: What would happen if...

"Yeah, if it is sensible, I go the other way," he said. "I eat raw ground beef, keep a radio by my bathtub, and even share needles with other heroin users. I just can't stop myself."

Roethlisberger's death defiance also extends into his sex life.

"Well, as an NFL star, you know that there are lots of women, and I am not one to don a condom," he said, looking down. "But even when I am hanging out at rest stop bathrooms I can't seem to practice safe sex. One of these days I am going to wind up with hepatitis or AIDS from all this wildness."

Roethlisberger also responded to comments made by former Steelers QB Terry bRadshaw about his recklessness.

"To me, Bradshaw is the biggest pussy in the world," he muttered. "His idea of living wild is showing his butt in the movie "Failure to Launch." May God put a bullet right between my eyes if I ever become a miserable joke like Terry Bradshaw after I retire."

Roethlisberger's face suddenly lit up.

"Whoa - got a gun? Wanna play Russian roullette?" he asked. Ann Coulter Al Gore