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Senate to Take Up Pledge of Allegiance Protection Amendment

Left: "And to the Republic of empty cans..."

(Washington, DC) Fueled with overt patriotism after the failure of the Flag Protection Amendment, senators began a new campaign to stamp out "recitational abuse" heaped upon another American symbol - the Pledge of Allegiance.

Sentaor Bill Frist (R-TN), co-sponsor of the proposed amendment, said that the Pledge is "under attack by anti-American forces."

"We have an entire generation of schoolchildren who chant 'I pledge allegiance to the fags and the udder teats of a married cow,'" said Frist. "It is therefore incumbent upon the United States Senate to outlaw such treasonous speech."

Frist said that he has been "shocked and dismayed" over the wide variety of "rhetorical filth" to which the Pledge has been subjected.

"I am particularly appalled by the phrase 'United Snakes of America' that some third-graders in Nashville found so uproariously funny when I was there last year," he said. "This is just the sort of toehold that al-Qaeda needs to destroy our great nation. I, for one, will not sit idly by and watch Osama bin Laden waltz right in and screw the pooch."

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