.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

7/17/2006

Allman Brothers Sell Souls to Devil, Do Menopause Commercial

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

The Allmans in their younger, God-fearing days

(Savannah, GA)—The Allman Brothers Band, once regarded as the premiere fusion of jam-rock and Southern sensibilities, bartered their souls to Satan earlier this week when they allowed their timeless classic “Blue Sky” to be used in a menopause commercial.

The promotional clip for KnowMenopause.com is now featured on both network and cable channels, and includes billowy, dramatic clips of mature women enjoying their aged status by gardening, cycling, and gently swaying on porch swings.

“This band still has integrity,” remarked lead singer Gregg Allman as he fingered a wad of $100 bills. “But so many of our contemporaries have lent their songs to corporate America, we figured it was high time we joined the bandwagon. And an eternity in fire is a small price to pay for my new vacation home in the Alps.”

Shockingly, many die-hard fans have supported the decision, which has led to a growing debate in the classic-rock community.

“Hey man, they gots to get paid,” remarked Butch Tyrol, a self-described Allman Brothers expert and ‘hippie burnout’ who now resides in San Francisco. “Those guys only make $15 million per tour, and that doesn’t go very far when you have, like, fourteen illegitimate kids scattered across the country.”

Left: Duane "not happy at all" with decision to sell out

Late guitarist Duane Allman, contacted in Heaven by National Nitwit reporters, expressed "dismay" that his bandmates would succumb to the temptation of "flithy lucre."

"You can tell that man-whore Gregg that - brother or not - he's lucky we're winding up in different places in the afterlife," he said, pausing to glide through an angelic slide solo. "Plus, any band that would fire Dickey Betts has some serious issues, too. In a way, you could almost see this coming."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 8:18 AM
Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?