National Nitwit

Left: Patterson in a lucid moment

(Boston, MA) Local drifter Raymond "Mookie" Patterson, speaking with National Nitwit reporters about the Boston I-90 tunnel tragedy, said that he informed transportation officals "many times" about safety flaws in the structure.

"I was all like, 'the structural integrity of dis bitch is suspect,' but did they listen? Hell no," said Mookie, shaking his head. "I talk with them fellows most every day about problems, but they always like: 'Mookie, go on home.' Now who's sorry?"

Mookie said that his initial analysis of the ceiling collapse indicates that contractors may have taken shortcuts during construction of the "Big Dig" project.

"They always cutting corners on a job like this, but charging double to the gub-mint," he said, pointing at state safety inspectors. "And could they spare a lousy nickel for a Vietnam vet like me? No sir! I goes over to save the Vietnamese from communism and shit, and those bastards have no gratitude. One of 'em threw a piece of moldy bread at me in 1998, yes sir. 'Get a job, wino' is what he tells me. A Vietnam vet. Um-um-um."

Mookie added that his knowledge of "insider operations and shit" likely does not bode well for his safety.

"You hear me? They want me dead, pal - D-E-A-D!" he yelled, shaking his fist at unseen adversaries. "And with what I know about Iran-Contra, it's a wonder I ain't already washed up on a beach someplace. Um-um-um. Guy like me's gotta play it cool, understand?"